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Now the country’s out of recession, the train of imagination can start again!

And it’s first stop? World War III!

Well, let’s start thinking of a scenario in which WW3 could erupt…

Oil is discovered in the Falklands and the old Argie Bargies take their consistent pestering to the level of Malvinas Invasion Version 2… Germany have had it up to here (you can’t see but my hand’s above my head) with the rest of Europe asking for bail-outs. They come say to Britain “Hey, you, you’re in a financially stable position, now. Come help. At least save your little tag-along down there!” Ireland asks for more money, Merkel erupts (as does Popocatpetl, but we’ll get to that later…) and yells at Britain, who are too busy kicking the Argies off the frozen penguin rock. Ireland becomes part of the UK, much to their dismay. Many unhappy Irish go over to NY again, and they become unhappy. Germany isn’t anyone’s friend but Austria’s now, and it’s about time we took out the Versailles Treaty again, because Austria and Germany suddenly merge. Hungary feels left out and Yugoslavia becomes one again, but Russia isn’t happy. A little war starts and the USSR and Yugoslavia become wonky unstable places again, with slightly different borders. The rest of Europe is uneasy being boxed in between the USSR and the Atlantic. Britain (with Eire in tow and some green on that flag) isn’t bothered, having crushed Maradona. Well, sort of =D

Austro-Germany gets on at them again, and begins to take them up on the promises they made during the Falklands War II, backwardly re-enacting the Ruhr. Britain fights back, sending in the leprechauns. During this, that south American volcano you can’t pronounce explodes into Caldera and loads of superstitious people claim it’s the end of the world. America decide to go back into Afghanistan, but not to help the Afghans, to start war against whoever the Afghans are officially at war with this time because clearly trying to help them wasn’t working. Britain sends in Gurkha reinforcements, which is taken far too seriously, when they kick the Jerrys out and remind them never to come back. Algeria try to escape to Gibraltar, the rest of the middle east are not solving their problems and the oil the Brits let the Argies keep is spilt in the Galapagos (they were taking it somewhere). The USA tells everyone but weirdly-for-Brits-laid-back-Britain to CALM THE HECK DOWN!!!!! and a giant raving war ensues, Britain aren’t involved and say no to newly-formed USSR when they ask to plant missiles on the Channels. Switzerland states that no-one shall use nukes or WMDs. After 7 years, China captures the USA after pretending to be Soviets in Canadia, and everyone else either surrenders or slowly leaves the war, pretending they were never there in the first place.

Britain and the even-newer newly-formed Geneva Republic (West Austro-Germany stole a little bit of Swissiland by force) have talks over exactly what to do, during this period the Yanks discover that it’s entirely possible and currently plausible to live on Mars. Britain and Geneva re-draw continent lines and decide on a plan to allocate resources fairly and evenly between everywhere and if anyone anywhere under their new powers as heads of the world (so not those remote populations they either a. don’t know about or b. don’t know) tries to start a conflict again, the responsible offending party (whoever passed whatever to start the attempt to start whatever) could very well be sent to the new maximum security prison on top of Olympus Mons or just heavily fined, and the entire region will automagically become a state of the UN, with its own coalition leaders in the form of whoever runs Britain and whoever runs Geneva.

North Korea is sent to Mars, because honestly, what else are they good for but to keep that prison in line?

Global warming and climate change also melt the Arctic and Mexico sinks, separating Latin and North america, making the new continent line over there easier. Many of the QE islands also sink and some melt, as well as those off Vancouver/Anchorage, causing vessels to crash and become wrecks on their banks and a world wide naval ban for a few years while they assess damage and whatever world summits do. Spain send an Armada to protect the Med, but they sent them from Santander and half the fleet gets a little *damaged* in the Strait, the Panama canal floods. Britain and their best-in-the-whole-wide-world-which-we-now-control Navy basically roam the planet and make sure its safe, setting up an observation thingy in the Bermuda triangle. Seafaring is allowed to continue.

The part I am completely making up and is not at all plausible:

The observation thingy in the Bermuda triangle disappears without a trace, the last message from the radio being “It’s Atlantis” followed by the last message from RMS Titanic, even the black box is unable to be tracked and all search parties also disappear under mysterious circumstances without a trace. All the superstitious people freak out again, but this time with good right to. The Martians, using Stoodley Pike Monument as a tracking marker, arrive over North England a little bit bummed that they dare use their precious Mars to hold captive, and occasionally execute, their worst and most dangerous criminals. Not-at-all-crazy-anymore people from the extended valley near Stoodley make a deal with them, and Britain becomes inter-planetary allies with Mars, who could apparently easily obliterate Earth if they so wanted, so everyone behaves.

 

This is a joke, by the way.

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Discussion

One thought on “Now the country’s out of recession, the train of imagination can start again!

  1. I’d like to thank you for the efforts you have put in penning this site. I’m hoping to check out the same high-grade content by you later on as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my own, personal blog now 😉

    Posted by link | 19-12-2012, 1911

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